Cologne

Not the place. The substance. It can be a fantastic thing. Eau de man; the Irish shower. Keeping you smelling fresh, masculine, alluring, pungent, and down right tangy. It has its place.

That place is not work.

Women need also take note. When navigating your bread winning day of productive social pandering, of pretend grindstone sniffing, of breaking rocks, striking keys, and collating copies, it is not necessary to douse yourself in even two sprays of any substance that could potentially eviscerate the mucus membranes of a small percentage of humanity. I'd like to point out that this percentage is larger than those who have peanut allergies. It's true, I'm quoting a non-scientific study here, and I am thoroughly pro-peanut.

I ask, I implore, nay, I beg of you: if you do use cologne or perfume, one sprit, one shake, one pat of pungent Old Spice aftershave. One sensual drop of Chanel numero sinko. One single smear of budget minded Brut-ish masculinity. One faint mist of Tommy, but for the love of all that is olfactory, please keep it at that.